Tuesday, February 27, 2007

PATENTED PROTECTION.
these two words are gonna haunt me for the next few days=X

I HATE GP. today's lesson was downright horrible. to the max, i tell you. proton made us do the AQ in 25 min (i think i wrote one whole chunk of rubbish. totally hogwash.), the blasted summary in 15 min (didn't manage to finish it in time. ROAR.) and the vocab in 10 min (which we did yesterday haha). and i felt sooooo SLEEPY.

anyways, im quite proud of myself. cos i survived tuesday with only 4 hours of sleep. YAY! amazing, huh. haha.

im gonna catch the arena later. need to learn how to ask approriate questions. HAHA.
hell i hate being the parallel speaker=X RAHHH. this is injustice!

geks dageek @ 6:49 PM


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Monday, February 26, 2007

all those angst-filled posts can go to hell=P

BIG NEWS.
N329 and N353 have multiplied into four cells.
it was such a sad day on saturday=( stuart, clarice, hooper, titus, chowjie, guangren, bryan and i got transferred to the tertiary group. feels so weird. was telling stuart and clarice they must have made a mistake, that gekshan's supposed to be in the youth cellgroup. talk about self-denial man. haha. i think i must have looked pretty upset cos carol asked me if i was alright. lols. i was SUPER ULTRA sad cos i was already missing my dear cell mates. oh wells. i guess it's not going to be that bad. there's stuart=) there's althea=) there's abigail=) there's patrick=) they are all nice people so hopefully i'll get used to the new setting soon. haha. anyways, guangren, hooper and bryan are in S35 under stephen. but guangren reckons he doesn't feel right in that cell. -shrugs- clarice is in another cell with kayboon and the rest. stuart, titus, chowjie and i are in the other one with patrick and all. haha. so yeah. kinda confusing. whatever=) haha.

had our last supper after service. im going to miss N329 and rebec like CRAZY. i love them to bits and pieces! oh wells.

anyways, today's been a pretty uneventful day. woke up in the morning feeling like crap. monday blues. had physics first thing in the morning. was alright i guess. (though i didn't prepare the tutorial) haha. ran 2.4 during PE. sucks. my timing deproved by a minute. 14.30! lousy please. never mind. it was just a trial run. haha.

I HATE VECTORS. i don't understand the chapter at all. and im positive that mrs chan hates me. whatever, not like im gonna give a damn about her. RAHHH. I HATE MATHS TO THE CORE. GP was sleep-inducing. was sooooo friggin' sleepy during his lesson. three periods of maths lecture on complex numbers. wahhh that chapter sucks. have no idea what mrs chan's talking about. RAHHH.

HAHA. limin and i didn't see nicole on the bus until she called my phone. lols. and she was saying we were da xia zi. HAHA. and she kept putting words in my mouth! lols. was hilarious, this bus ride.

okayyy. tired. NIGHTS=)


THANK YOU.
justine rebec limin christian.
for being such good listeners=) i love you all to BITS.

i see the LIGHT. and i feel so much better now=)

"I know that whatever God does, it shall be forever. Nothing can be added to it, and nothing taken from it. God does it, that men should fear before Him." Eccl. 3:14

geks dageek @ 7:02 PM


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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

well done , geks.
you're on for another roller-coaster ride.

whatever it is, thank God for those who are riding it with me. truly appreciate it=) LOVE YOU PEOPLE LOTS=)

have to grope my way out of the tunnel again.

in a predicament. leave? or stay?
too much hurt to deal with if i stayed.
too many explanations to make if i left.
whatever.

oh no. im totally screwed. SCREWED.

geks dageek @ 5:42 PM


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Sunday, February 18, 2007

was watching the singapore idol act on youtube last night. it was a forfeit our group had to do after losing a few rounds. that dumb red indian ah beng whatever game. it was a total comedy. we had so much fun. yeah those were the good old days in N329.

perhaps i was being overly nostalgic.

there had been so many enjoyable moments with the cell. and i had always looked forward to spending time with them. it used to be so easy relating to them. i didn't need to mask anything, didn't need to hide, didn't need to feel so awkward around them. maybe im just being paranoid, overly sensitive, whatever. i just don't know, okay. this is so stupid. i've been angsting about church for the past three or four days. and it frustrates me to the max.

i know there are better options besides dodging and running away. what's more, i've been through it and i've survived the whole drama. and i know i can pull through this time. but for now, im going to just hang it somewhere behind me and ignore the whole issue. the hurt can come later.

as i've said before, im not gonna let anything or anyone affect my walk with God.

my Bible's my best friend now. an endless source of comfort for the broken soul=)

im not going to let this wall crumble again.


As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
'Til the end of time, forever
You're the only love I'll need
In my life, you're all that matters
In my eyes, the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me

in the end, you can only trust God.

geks dageek @ 10:27 PM


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Saturday, February 17, 2007

im supposed to be doing my chem tutorial now. but im too tipsy to even hold my pen. hahahahaha. red wine is heaven to the taste buds. oh how i wish i could just drown all the annoying problems just by getting drunk. i don't want to be sober anymore. i don't want to deal with the ever complex reality. oh God, can't i just muddle through life?

i've decided to shut myself off from the people around me, especially those who had inflicted emotional hurt upon my life. im not going to give a damn about whether im hurting other people or not. it no longer bothers me who's happy or not, who's angry with me or whatever. you can rave at me, slap me across the face, hurl unkind words at me, subtly doing things just to see me get hurt, and i don't care. bring it on man. see who's the stronger one here. whatever unpleasant things don't matter to me anymore.

call me a bitch. i don't care.

im not going to let anything or anyone bring me down or affect my walk with God. im gonna put a smile on my face everytime i walk out of my house, even if it kills me.

im 18 and i know what im doing.
so don't worry. i'll pull through.

geks dageek @ 7:08 PM


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Friday, February 16, 2007

i guess the only way i can avoid the inevitable is to just run away.
and hopefully i'll reach the finish line. somehow.

resentment and insecurity.
overcome resentment with forgiveness.
overcome insecurity with love.

but it's so damn hard. it's beyond my pathetic capabilities. that's why i choose to evade the whole issue and stay as far as possible away from it. cos honestly there's nothing i can do. and this totally frustrates me to the very core. running away isn't cowardice. it prevents you from getting the sting. what's more important than protecting yourself and saving your own skin? i don't care what others might think of my recent uncharacteristic behaviour, cos protecting myself is the priority right now.

sometimes i can't help but to wish that i had never gone to chc at all. all the hurt and everything unpleasant could have been non-existent in my life. but i have to admit it did spice up my life in ways i could never have imagined. then again, it all comes with a hefty price.

well, some things just can't be helped.

thank goodness for good friends in school. or my life would be extremely miserable. some people just aren't worth your time and effort.

it's ironic, really.
school has become a much more comfortable place to be in than church.
okay, im really losing it.

everything might look alright on the surface. but if you dare to look deeper, it's far from alright.

yes. i've really made up my mind.

geks dageek @ 6:37 PM


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Thursday, February 15, 2007

i've made up my mind. it's time that i put all these tormenting thoughts to an end. it's been an endless torture and i just can't wait to end it all. yeah. easier said than done. BUT. it's gonna be different this time round. im not going to plunge myself into another abyss of sheer agony and whatever. it's time to learn not to be such a hopeless softie. im gonna erase myself off the picture, sit back and enjoy life (with substantial amount of studying, of course). why should i care so much about those who don't even give a fucking damn about you? it's just so annoying.

right now i just want to be hopelessly intractable. and annoyingly self-centered. im going to just mind my own business from now on.

yes. i've made up my mind.

geks dageek @ 12:10 PM


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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

im in deep shit.
like seriously.

omg i feel like choking myself.
HOW?????

geks dageek @ 9:03 PM


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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

it's odd, really.
how you can realise something that has never crossed your mind. and it's frustrating how this whole issue gets all confusing and irksome, and then conquers your every thought in your damn brain. it totally scares me=/ i hate this. and the next thing i know, i'll be watching a re-run of some maudlin drama serial.

perhaps history will repeat itself. and because of this very simple fact that it is impossible to stop things from happening, i should just step back and let things be. no use trying to verify things you're not supposed to know. cos in the end, you're the one getting the sting. i know how it feels like and i don't wish to go through it all over again.

blah blah blah.
okay, i should end all this mawkishness. haha=P

anyways, went to shop at bugis village with hsiaoen and nicole=D bought a t-shirt (with just 10 bucks!) and a pair of jeans=) im a happy girl=D haha. lessons today were bearable, i guess. had only four lessons=) yay haha.

oh yes! i didn't get caught for my skirt during spotcheck yesterday! thank God! i was like pulling it down to make it look looonnnngggg. and i got through it! yayness=) the teacher who did the spotcheck was super strict please. might as well ask us to wear dresses. TSK! so it was only limin and i who passed the 'inspection'. haha.

RAHH. i forgot all about the validity statement during physics SPA yesterday! and i was memorising that stupid statement JUST before the SPA. goodness. am i pro or what. this is so irritating please. and i got the units for the constants WRONG. screw it! =///

had fun teaching christian chem! lols. didn't know how to answer some of his questions, though. haha. i miss olevel chem. it was so much simpler than the crap we have now for the subject which i used to love. oh wells. anyways, had a great time catching up and all=D yayness=)

econs presentation tomorrow. bleah. so not fun. haha. can see that nicole is totally irritated by p.soh. with all his weird classroom arrangements and everything, how can anyone expect the econs rep to not be pissed? haha. oh well. go nicole! you're the best econs rep! =D

chem equilibria! OMG.



hmm. think i'll be going for the 5.30 service. i'll reach home at 12 plus if i went for the other one. i shall be a good girl and go home early=)
to be honest, i don't really want to go. but i WILL go because i love God. there had been times like this, when i just felt like staying away from people and all. it's a complex issue, actually. and i made a decision- that i'll just go for God and no one else. disappointments and stress and low self-esteem sometimes do affect your spiritual walk. and i always let them interfere with my relationship with God and all. and it's bad=/ BUT i'll still stand firm in my decision=) then again, it's difficult sometimes. a lot's been going on recently. and for some inexplicable reasons, i find myself dreading cell meetings and services. i've no idea what's wrong with me. bleah. and cos of this, i've kinda built an invisible wall around me. i don't want to be reached, neither do i want to reach out to the members in the cell. and i can't be bothered about anyone of them. i don't care if i appear to be anti-social. i don't care about who's new in the cell or whatever. whatever it is, i don't care anymore.

okay, im losing it.

geks dageek @ 7:56 PM


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Sunday, February 11, 2007

looks like the SPIRIT's burning bright! a lifetime's not too long to be as friends=) i love you girls VERY MUCH=D had so much fun at Big-O!


geks dageek @ 9:37 PM


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Saturday, February 10, 2007

WE'RE GONNA RULE THE WORLD ONE DAY!!!
GO 'HELLO KITTY' GANG!!!
this was something totally random that popped out from sheer boredom of the four of us (limin, hsiaoen, nicholas and me). lols. it was pure hilarity, i tell you. what with us wanting to terrorize and rule the potong pasir macs , drive the macdonald's gang out, blah blah. and how we are going to transform into power rangers. oops i mean power kitties. LOLS. see? that was how random we were. laughed like crazy. haha. and we even wanted to drive the people out of the sc so that we could get the comfy spots to rest. haha. terrorists of the school, aren't we. oh yeah!!! and we talked about drinking of one another's blood and getting ourselves a hello kitty tattoo, to show that we're all part of the kitty gang. omg how retarded can we be=P LOLS. it was fun! haha=D

oh yes! we (hsiaoen limin and i) got chased out of timmy proton's class. is that cool or what. i got chased out TWICE. set a record, man. we weren't scared or embarrassed at all, to be honest. in fact, we had the time of our lives man! kept laughing once we were out of the class. haha! maybe we should be late for class more often so that we don't have to see him. nah im just kidding. lols.

anyways, cell group yesterday started late. cos ALL OF US were late. lols. felt a bit better after talking with rebec. haha=) but there are still stuff that i have to overcome myself. with the grace of God, of course=) there are just things that no one can help you with=) haha.

since there is nothing i can do right now, i shall just let things be and move on. hello? alevels is more important than anything, you know. haha.

LATER=D

to friend of geckos: haha! do i look that emo all the time? lols. BLEAH=P

geks dageek @ 1:38 PM


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Thursday, February 08, 2007

yay zelina! you've landed safely in melbourne=D have a great year ahead and enjoy your uni life! remember! don't drink and drive=P haha.

been a really long day. lessons ended at 4.30=/ one and a half hours of GP tutorial! sheer torture. anyways, really happy to see hsiaoen back in school! haha yes. missed her loads=)

hmm. realised i ate quite a lot today. more than usual. maybe it's cos of the crazy PE session we had in the morning. mr ho made us half-squat against the wall for ONE MINUTE. and it felt like eternity! it was horrible. couldn't walk properly after that, let alone sprint. haha. shuttle run was quite disastrous. haha. i thought my knees would just give way cos they were so jelly-like! lols. oh well. we survived=)

just done with the songsheets=) but the colour looks a bit odd. short of black ink, you see. haha.

developed a kind of phobia.
and nothing can ever overcome this emotional barrier.
haha. not now, at least.

oh wells. im soooo sleepy.
NIGHT! =)

geks dageek @ 9:42 PM


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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

this is officially my favourite picture of the month! too bad celine is not in it cos she was the one who took this! lols. never mind, we still love you celine!

had a fantabulous time on monday with 1/2 PLC'04/05 and dear adel=) we (except zelina) met up earlier at orchard station to write zelina's card=) and we didn't miss out the chance to cam-whore. haha. and we were like sitting behind this pillar.

and adel looked so cool in her formal outfit (she's in the picture!) just like some rafflesplace office lady. haha. had dinner at pepperlunch. ooohhh was good=) and we were all so proud of ourselves cos we could actually COOK. lols. praise-worthy, weren't we. haha. laughed, made a nuisance of ourselves, cam-whored and ate. it's really cool to have such gatherings once in a while. it makes you cherish the friends whom you tend to take for granted. i miss them loads! how i wish every day were like that.

laughed and talked (at a volume high enough for passers-by to eavesdrop unintentionally) all the way to the Big-O at wheelock. haha. man, it was heavenly, that Big-O place. the desserts and all! the ultimate sinful indulgence=) haha. all in all, i had a hell of a good time! and yes celine, that day was OUR FRIDAY=)

wouldn't it be just perfect to have days like this?

too bad we can't turn back time.

wanted to send zelina off yesterday at the airport. but i didn't make it=( i should have just forgone the second-half of the rugby match since sas was sure to win (seeing how badly the opponent team was being trashed aww). oh wells. so i kinda wasted my life travelling all the way to the airport. haha! it wasn't entirely a wasted trip, though. cos i had a good time with adeline=) had dinner at BK. talked about school and all. haha. lovesss=)

all thanks to my beloved modem who died on me a couple of weeks ago, i couldn't update this damn blog. stupid modem=P haha. i know it's a bit late but i still want to express MANY THANKS to you sweet friends who had made my 18th birthday a truly memorable one=)

BABES: my goodness. you girls simply rock man! the surprise was really SWEET. thanks for the longer-than-the-length-of-my-living-room scroll thingy, the really delicious cake, the moo-moo and your company! i was TOUCHED beyond words. LOVES.

hsiaoen limin bo youyin nicole melvin zhenjie jianming nicholas: thanks for the devil-and-angel notebook! and all your well-wishes=) oh yes! and the card!

N329: thanks for the necklace, doughnut and well-wishes=) justine! thanks for cheering me up that day at the airport! =D

stuart bryan shaun justine melissa titus hooper: thanks for the song, the cake and for making my day! love you people to the max!

stuart titus hooper: thanks for the notebook (i've two new notebooks now haha) and the delirious album! (which i nearly threw away cos i didn't notice it was in the wrapper as well lols!)

shaun: thanks for perfume! it smells heavenly! =))

rebec: thanks for the pretty green top! it's NICE=)

ZELINAAAA: thanks for the pencil case! 'im not a rules kinda girl'. heh=)

ADELLLL: thanks for the watch! PIGSSS=)

vincent: thanks for the postcard!

RICO: thanks for the call! yes, i'll tell you who dump me next time and you can beat him up! LOLS=D

thanks for alll the smses and testimonials and well-wishes! LOVESSS.

okay. tired. NIGHT!

geks dageek @ 10:14 PM


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I am a child
of God gekshan.geks.geko
eighteen 20Jan1989
ijtp.sajc

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